No Phone??? Let Me Talk to the Manager

Cell phone sits on green table, some green leaves in right foreground. On the screen, it says, "HELLO."

It was getting dark. I was alone in an unfamiliar section of Portland overlooking the Willamette River. This was the only restaurant within walking distance of my hotel. I skirted the barefoot young man in rags talking to himself and walked into this Asian fusion place, looking forward to a good meal after a long day at the Portland Book Festival.

High ceilings, mirrored columns, young servers in black, large parties of young people, a computer tablet at the entrance to sign in. I started the process. How many in your party? One. Are you willing to share a table? No. Please enter your phone number and we will text you when a table is ready. Uh-oh.

My phone was charging back in my hotel room. I flagged down a worker. “I don’t have my phone.”

She looked at me like I was from another planet. When she discovered I was also a party of one, she had to consult her boss on how to handle this anomaly. Ultimately, I had to sign in on the tablet, including my phone number.

“I don’t have my phone,” I repeated.

“We’ll work something out,” she said, a little flustered.

I waited on a bench next to two young women who were both staring at their phones. Customers came and went, most of them less than half my age. I started to wonder if I should have stayed at the hotel and eaten microwaved pasta in my room.

Finally, the young woman escorted me to a table. It was a four-top with a great view of the river, the Hawthorne Bridge, and OMSI, the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry. I would have taken pictures, but I didn’t have my phone.

I was the only person in the place occupying a table by myself. I was the only person of grandparent age not eating with children and grandchildren. I was the only person without a phone.

For the record, I would have been happy to share a table with someone close to my age who would actually talk to me, not talk around me to their friends or stare at their phone the whole time.

“Have you eaten here before?” the girl asked. No. She explained that I needed to click on the QR code on this slip of paper for the menu and then order with my phone.

“I don’t have my phone.”

Again, she was flustered. She went off somewhere and found an old-school printed menu. “It’s not up to date,” she warned, leaving me a checklist to mark what I wanted.

I checked a few items, not sure what I’d be getting, a young man whisked it away, and eventually I was served salad greens, won-tons, and beef-stuffed “pancakes.” It was all delicious. I watched the busy staff serving loud, happy parties who were laughing, talking, and sharing food. Outside, white clouds in the blue sky turned pink and then gray, and darkness fell. Inside, I stuffed myself with won-tons dipped in chili sauce and pondered the new world.

When I got back to my room, I had a text message: Your table is ready.

Everything is online these days. I bought my ticket for the festival, reserved my room, and set up my Uber rides online. I listened to music in my car by connecting my phone with the car audio system. I checked the time, checked the schedule, and ordered books by featured authors on my phone.

I received a text with a photo from my brother on my phone and exchanged a long series of texts with a friend to arrange a lunch date.

The one thing I did not do was make or receive a voice call on my phone.

A mobile phone is essential these days. How dare I go walking without one?

The Pew Research Center says 97 percent of Americans own a cell phone. Imagine how much money is being spent for all of those phones and all of those service plans. Not everyone can afford it, but the expectation is that you will have a smartphone, it will have all the apps, and you will know how to use them.

I can imagine what my father would say if he were to come upon this restaurant. Forget the fact that he would never eat Asian food. When asked to check in on a tablet and give his cell phone number, his response would be something like “Are you kidding! I’m not giving them my %$$#@# telephone number.” Followed by, “Whaddya mean there’s no menus? To hell with this place!”

But Dad, who died in 2019, was born 101 years ago, when all you could do on a phone was talk to people–if you were one of the few families lucky enough to have a telephone at all.  

To the restaurant’s credit, the food was wonderful, and at least four workers thanked me and wished me a good evening on my way out. I would go there again, with my phone and with other people. I’m proud that I did not hide in my room eating microwaved pasta. I braved this strange new world all by myself and survived.

Have you found yourself in situations where not having a mobile phone with you has been a problem? Tell us about it in the comments.

Photo by Polina Zimmerman on Pexels.com

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The Trifecta of Technology Failure

IMG_20160425_124252092_HDR[1]Sometimes I really miss the days of typewriters and saving our words on paper. Yes, I’m old, so old that when I had to use an electric typewriter in my college typing class, I walked up to the teacher and said, “Ma’am, I can’t do that. I’m used to a manual typewriter. These keys move too fast. I’m going to flunk this class.” Her response was something along the lines of “get over it.” And I did.

At my early newspaper jobs, I typed on manual typewriters, using leftover sheets of newsprint and carbon paper to make copies. We edited with pencils, and typesetters retyped our words into long strips of heavy paper that we pasted on cardboard and marked up with blue pencils that didn’t show when the pages were photographed. I also took pictures on film and developed them in a darkroom, but that’s a whole other story.

Over the years, I’ve gotten used to electric typewriters, word processors, my first Radio Shack computer (a $1500 box with no connection to the Internet), Apples and IBMs, DOS and Windows, disks as big as dinner plates, disks down-sized to cake plates, and floppy disks that could double as coasters, CDs, DVDs and flash drives, portable phones, cell phones, smart phones, Kindles, iPads, iPods, Etc. None of which lasts more than two years.

On Friday night, when I turned on my computer, the screen was blank. The power light was on, and the computer seemed to be on. The computer is relatively new, sold to me by Staples, which just happens to have closed their local store last month. I didn’t do anything different to it. I had simply turned it off before I went to my weekly jam in Waldport. Of course you know where the user’s manual is these days? Right. Online. You can’t read it if you’re staring at a blank screen. Note to computer makers: Bring back printed manuals. Your online help is not that helpful. 

Luckily, I have a laptop as well as a desktop computer, and I managed to find some suggestions for my dilemma. Lots of unplugging and restarting. Ultimately, I unplugged the monitor and went searching in the garage for the ancient 50-pound monitor that I had never gotten around to taking somewhere to recycle. It had been there for years. It just about killed me lugging it from the garage to my office and muscling it into place. But guess what? It worked. I’m using it now. The print is too small and kind of fuzzy. My new monitor, ordered online from Staples, should arrive today. None of the coupons they keep sending me in the mail applied to this purchase. They charged me extra for insurance I did not buy. The Staples guy insists I did. I give up.

But that wasn’t the end of the weekend’s technical difficulties. Nope. I went to Corvallis yesterday for a Timberline Review reading at Grass Roots Books and Music, to be followed by a meeting to decide which poems to publish in the next issue. At a rest stop on Highway 20, I glanced at my phone and read DEVICE LOCKED. I had recently installed McAfee antivirus protection on the phone, and they had decided that it had fallen into the hands of a criminal. I could only unlock it with my pin number. My pin number was at home. I could not use my phone for five hours. At home last night, I found the pin, got into the phone and uninstalled that SOB program. I can’t believe an outside force could keep me from my own phone.

That’s still not the end of it. Our poetry meeting had to be aborted because the WiFi didn’t work in the café where we planned to have our discussion and the folks at the bookstore next door didn’t know the password to their WiFi. Our only copies of the poems were online, so we gave up and went home. If we’d brought them on paper, our meeting would have happened and we’d have our final list of poems today. Grumble.

Today, at this moment, everything is working, but I have no confidence that when I go into the kitchen to make my lunch, the microwave will work. I miss the good old days. How about you? Feel free to comment on your frustrations or joys with technology.

PS. Lunch went fine, but I just got an email from Staples. They no longer have the monitor I ordered, and it will not be coming. Is that smoke coming out of my ears?