Wouldn’t you know?


So, I heard about a gig that I really, really want, but I can’t apply until it is officially announced. Meanwhile, my dear Annie refused to go outside, so I decided to take her with me to the post office and go on to walk on a wilderness trail. I wasn’t prepared to see any humans, but who is the first person I saw as we headed for the trail? The person who would be my boss. There I was with my yellow dog pulling me, despite me chanting, “Heel, Annie, heel.” I had no makeup on, raggedy hair, and was wearing my oversized Salvation Army pants that keep falling down. Swell. But this is what a writer looks like when she’s working at home.

“Hi,” I called, smiling. What else could I do? “Hello,” he replied, a look of disapproval on his face.

Oh well, if I get an interview, maybe when I show up dressed like a professional, I’ll look so swell he won’t recognize me. Anything is possible. Besides, do I want to work for somebody who doesn’t like dogs?

***
Sweet Annie is the one whose obstinacy led to me falling into the back wall of our house and spraining my wrist three weeks ago. I couldn’t see who was behind me, but I think both Annie and her brother Chico were there. All I know is that suddenly I was flying and I knew I was going to hit hard. It took a couple days for me to forgive the pups, but Annie is back to sitting in my lap while we watch TV. Yes, she weighs over 60 pounds. She was a saint in the car today.

Training these pups is a work in progress. My wrist is healing. It will be fine by Thanksgiving. To all those who say, “Get rid of those damned dogs,” I say, “No.” Both dogs and I have come so far it would be wrong to quit now. Look at that picture. Aren’t they sweet?

Besides, I need them to lick the envelopes for my Christmas cards.;-)

It’s a right-handed world

Having my right hand in a splint (one more week) means doing almost everything left-handed. Technically I am left-handed, but I do a lot of things with my right hand, and I’m beginning to realize why. Not only was I raised by right-handed parents, but the world is set up for right-handers. I get into my car, and the ignition is on the right side of the steering column. I have to twist around like a Slinky to turn it left-handed. Of course, the gearshift and parking brake are on the right side, too.

When I get home, I discover I have been unlocking the door with my right hand all these years. I stand there like an idiot trying to figure out which way to turn the key. In the kitchen, every jar or bottle is meant to be twisted by a right-hander. I almost had to get the neighbor to open a childproof-capped pill bottle for me. You should have seen me trying to chop vegetables. Cauliflower flying everywhere. Next time I may just pick up the whole thing and gnaw at it.

Opening any kind of package is a major challenge, and getting dressed leaves me breathless and aching. Now I know why my husband used to have so much trouble unhooking my bra. He’s left-handed. My zippers and buttons are on the wrong side,too and just tieing a shoe hurts.

I’m learning that elbows, teeth and feet can be very handy. Actually I’m very lucky. It’s only a sprained wrist. Lots of people have much worse problems. This is just a temporary challenge. I can already type two-handed again, and I can play piano very carefully. The doctor says I need one more week in the splint. Then I can start moving the wrist. Carefully. By Thanksgiving I should be doing pushups again, he says. I didn’t tell him I couldn’t do them before. 🙂 But I do look forward to being able to do all my yoga postures again. For now, I’ll be doing a lot of child’s pose and corpse pose. No plows or downward-facing dogs. Speaking of which, I was doing modified yoga yesterday, and I swear my black dog Chico was trying to do yoga, too. There he was on his back with his feet in the air . . .

Some folks are still telling me I have to get rid of the dogs. But others, including my doctor, think I’m better off with their company. I think the pups and I can reach an understanding. They’re 20 months old today. They’ll slow down eventually. I have.

The dogs won

See that sweet little dog in my profile picture? Well, Annie got big and stubborn. She and her brother are almost 20 months old now. Last night I was trying to put her out, so I could take Chico to church for the blessing of the animals. I can’t handle both at once, and C. is better in the car. Well, Annie wouldn’t go. I tried bribes, scaring her with the noisy can, sweet-talking and my tough voice. She just sat and barked at me. Finally I tried dragging her by the collar, but Chico followed us and somehow I found myself flying through the air into the back of the house. My right hand and my glasses hit first. I was able to fix the glasses, but my wrist required a visit to the hospital. It’s sprained. No typing, no piano or guitar, no nothing for at least a week. I’m finding it’s very tricky to do everything one-handed. Just try putting on a bra with only your left hand. Flossing is out of the question. Boy, I shouldn’t have had that poppyseed muffin for breakfast. 😉

The dogs want to eat my splint. They are sweet as ever today, but forget about the blessing. I think they need to go to confession.

Meanwhile I’m researching a novel about a one-handed woman.